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Ten years ago yesterday I was sleeping in the spare room at my Mum and Dad’s house in the small rural village of Mowsley in Leicestershire. I had recently graduated from the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst and, as a young second lieutenant without a place of my own, was staying with my parents whilst on military leave until my first reporting date with the Devonshire and Dorset Regiment.
It was still dark and I was half asleep when Mum burst into the room and, failing to keep the Earth shattering grief out of her voice, almost screamed, “Your father’s dead.”
Mum and I had driven him to the Royal Infirmary the night before. A place he hated and did not want to go to. A place where the drugs that they put him on made him hallucinate and ask me whether I really did love him at all. A place where we left him alone that night and drove home via the pub.
Mum and I sat on the floor outside the spare room at the top of the stairs hugging each other with tears streaming down our faces and I could not stop saying out loud, “I love you Dad, I love you Dad, I love you Dad”. I needed him to know - I needed the message to get to through to him somehow.
The last time I ever saw him was a few hours later when we went to the hospital. Unmade up, and with his mouth hanging half open, his body lay there with no life in it. The strongest part of our family - the strength that held us all together - had gone. I asked one of the nurses to take the gold signet ring off his finger and I put it on. I wore it from that day on until it attracted too much attention with the Ashaninka Indians in Peru and I had to ask Marlene to look after it in Lima where it is now.
Dad was tall for his generation at six foot three inches; he was a man of few words and had a dry sense of humour. He had fought off cancer twice previously and was physically in pretty poor shape for much of his adult life as a result of the chemotherapy and archaic radiotherapy that he’d received since his early twenties. Mentally and morally he was one of the strongest men I have ever known and the love he had for my Mum, my sister and me was unquestionable.
Whatever the weather he would always show up and stand on the touchline with a drip on the end of his nose in his flat cap, Barber and wellies to watch me play rugby. Even when he was very ill and his blood platelet count was so low that had he been hit by the ball he would have died - would have hemorrhaged uncontrollably to death - he still came and watched. That’s not a show of support a son forgets.
Ten years on I’ve not forgotten you Dad. There is still a hole in the Stafford family that will never be filled. Mum, Janie and I are much stronger now but we still miss you and love you more than ever.
If you’re unlucky enough to be able to relate to this story and have had your family, or one close to you, torn apart by cancer please click on this link to donate on our Cancer Research UK JustGiving page now.
For Cho and my progress see the Prince’s Rainforest Project kid’s blog. I’ve not embedded the new video as it is trivial and would detract from this entry.
Ed
Wonderful !
Ned, I remember Jeremy well, he was what you say, maybe even more so. We went to the same schools, although I was nearly 8 years older, and missing him is one of the really difficult things to understand. I am delightede to have your memories too. Best Uncle Rog
I remember getting up at dawn in Mowsley once - can’t remember why now. I was moaning about it in the kitchen while your dad was making breakfast. He told me it was the best part of the day and invited me to the window to see for myself. I suspect he was right.
A special post, Ed. x
Ed,
Very touching memories of your dad.
He, and his father before him, were our family solicitors and looked after us so well.
Keep grinding out those kilometers, JJBS will be bursting with pride…
Ed, salty hugs from this side of the world. I feel your pain buddy.
Keep on, keepin’ on!
Sarah x
Hi Ed, it’s Sharon (Pete’s sister)
I read your post today and felt it was a very honest and moving tribute about your farther, he sounded like a wonderful man think of all the happy memories to keep you going on this incredibly hard but amazing journey, after hearing what Pete told me about you and Cho I have no doubt in my mind you will make it to the end, I wish you both all the best of luck, P.S. do you think Pete would like some farine with his xmas dinner. lol
Sharon
xxx
Ned – as you know, this particular December mourning period has been better for me than last years but still, I was unable to get to the end of your blog without crying. To tell people who read these messages – Jeremy first had Hodgkin’s Disease in 1968, not long after we were married. And then he got it again in 1984. And in 1990 he got some weird platelet deficiency when, although people still do not believe us, his platelet count reached 3 at one time. And then, the specialists reckoned because of all the treatment he had had over the years, he was diagnosed with lung cancer in Spring 1998. That gave us 20 months, before he died, to do and say all the things that we wanted to and we had 19 little holidays and had great fun doing all sorts of silly things that he thought he ought to do before he died. That was so lucky for me and made my mourning so much better than it might otherwise have been.
When he went into hospital on 15th December 1999 we did not except him to die some 7 hours later – even though he was so poorly that he knew how to – he had said he was not quite ready. My only regret is that one of us was not there when he died. But the hospital said they were going to de-hydrate him for a week and so I guess, in the middle of the night, he changed his mind about being ready and how sensible of him – and how like him.
A really good idea to ask for donations for Cancer Research UK, Ned. ALM xx
Dearest Ed
I am glad you were able to write all that… he was
a good man.. and would have been so proud of you, although i think we would have some wry comments !!
Great news about Janie, and a boy, lifes rich pattern
As christmas approaches it is always a reflective time for us too, i am sure Richard and Jeremy are prob. having a large gin and tonic…
Snow here which is always exciting, your party tonight, so there will be good vibes and lots of love flying about..my love to you and just stay safe
Gillie xx
Ed
Thank you for sharing with us that moving tribute to your dad.
I know, like many people, how devestating cancer can be - I lost my dad my brother and then last year my husband to cancer. My husband died of lung cancer after many years of ill health, he only had 3 months from his diagnosis and left our 2 teenage sons devastated.
Your post has moved me to tears this morning.
Keep pushing on, up there on a cloud is one extremely proud dad watching what you are achieving.
Lynn
x
Ed
Watching the snow in tears. What a moving tribute to your Father. He was such a lovely man and I have many happy memories of him. Holidays in Norfolk - Bingo!! Tom and Caroline’s wedding - where he was so brave and so much fun. We all miss him.
We also miss you too - Christmas and shoots - lovely time of the year. Delighted about Janie and Jeremy’s news. I think you will have to walk a little faster!!
I think of you often and I am always updating my friends on your adventures. Will have a party for you in the New Year. Take care - I am very proud of you.
lots of love
Janet xx
Ed
Thanks so much for sharing this with us…
I didn’t know your father but reading this put
tears in my eyes and made me think about how lucky you were forhaving such a strong wonderful man as a role model and I know that on every step you make
there in the jungle, he’s taking care of you.
Big hugs for you and your family,
Ed,
Thank you very much for sharing your heart breaking story with us. Great to see you fathers fighting / determination gene was passed onto you. Good luck to both of you and as always looking forward to your next post.
Keep going and stay safe.
Buddy.
Ed
I remember what a serious and devastating blow this was to you and your family at the time and can only imagine how much you miss your dad.
They say that the apple doesn’t far fall from the tree, and if that is true your dad must have been a very good man.
BIG love
S x
Ed like many of the posters before i am sat here with tears in my eyes I remember the many occasions when I was working at Mowsley and the very dry sense of humour your dad had but my most favourite memory of all was after your dad died and the wonderful send off that you gave him the memory of that service will stay with me for ever and it just showed what a fantastic man he was you are a credit to him and he would probably say what a bloody stupid thing you are doing but he would so proud of you well done Ed i am proud to know you
Hi Ed
I too recently lost my Dad, 6 years this Feb (22nd, 3am) and I know nothing I could ever say could ever console you, but I do know your father sounded like he was a good man who is with you right now and always will be.
Be strong and turn your grief into strength as your proud father would have wanted, you have a good true solid friend for life in Cho walking with you and that is a true blessing.
You made me and I am sure many more cry when I read your honest and moving blog which, as you will know, helps me.
Keep on going old chap and enjoy your Christmas knowing that your loved ones and even complete strangers like me are thinking of you two daily.
God speed Ed and Cho :o)
Simon……….Pete’s brother in law (The one who is going to make sage, onion and farine stuffing for Pete this year)
Dear Ed,
I live in Manaus Amazonas, I had lost my mom 15 years ago, i know how you felt, i’m with you in this journey to Amazon,, stay strong… go ahead.. You will win. big huggs. Stay with God.
Ivanilson Ribeiro
Manaus Amazonas
Brasil
You are the best and your tribute just now was very touching indeed. Your dad is with you Ed and always will be.
I have been reading about your adventures. You are truly inspirational.
Wishing you a very merry christmas and a bright and joyous New Year.
You have to write a book when this is over - I will definitely buy it.
Merry Christmas!
Much love, Mx
Your Dad would be bloody proud of you today.
Hi Ed - We read your tribute to Jeremy with a tear in the eye but also a smile on our faces. We often think of him - his dry wit accompanied by that mischievous smile. At this time of the year in particular, as well as his anniversary we remember our weekends away with the other “goodlife” folk from the village just before Christmas each year. He once mentioned to Joan that he quite liked coffee cream chocolates, and whether he wanted them or not he got a box every birthday. All those good times and fond memories. We saw your sis the other day - she is blooming and so excited. Keep going, Ed and Cho, keep safe and think of all the people in the world who are rooting for you.
Don’t forget it’s Christmas - we will raise a glass to you!
Ed
My wife and I are wondering how your trip is going, where you are today, and, basically wonder about all your experiences. Take care. Enjoy life while you are making the journey.
Brad and Leslie Specht
Kansas
Wishing you a Merry Christmas, Ed.
Your big adventure is most inspiring and just like you, I wish my dad were here still to witness my life achievements.
Stay safe and all the best for 2010!
Ann, Fife (Scotland)
That was bitingly heartfelt and moving. Stay strong Ed.
[...] ex militar británico Ed Stafford, de 34 años, ha conseguido este lunes su objetivo de seguir a pie todo el curso del río Amazonas, [...]